


Can’t you blame my head and not my heart?

by httpseungmin



Category: Day6 (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Non-Famous, Angst with a Happy Ending, Background Relationships, Childhood Friends, Enemies to Lovers, Friends to Enemies to Lovers, Homophobia, Jaehyungparkian, M/M, My irl said it wasn't bad and I hope you'll feel the same way, Only in the last two chapters, Slice of Life, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-11
Updated: 2020-05-12
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:21:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24135022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/httpseungmin/pseuds/httpseungmin
Summary: "I told you who I like, now it's your turn. Which girl in our class doyoulike?"Something else Jae knew he should feel, but didn't. Attraction towards girls. He panicked, and without even thinking about it, blurted out..."Jihyo!"Jae didn’t know how to make friends. Then Brian came along, and for the first time, he wasn’t alone anymore. Until Jae makes a mistake and (falsely) admits to liking the same girl as Brian, and their relationship goes to hell.
Relationships: Kang Younghyun | Young K/Park Jaehyung | Jae, Minor Kang Daniel/Park Jisoo | Jihyo - Relationship, Minor Myoui Mina/Son Chaeyoung - Relationship, minor Kim Wonpil/Park Sungjin - Relationship
Comments: 12
Kudos: 100





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> 07/12/20 // Changes made to the dialogue in chapter 5. The plot wasn't affected.
> 
> TW CW // allergic reaction (chapter 5), blood (chapter 6), hospitals (chapter 6), homophobia (chapters 5 and 6)

For most of elementary school, Jae didn't have friends. The first time this was brought to his parents' attention by his teacher, they were confused. They'd expected their son to be the class clown, with his chill personality and sense of humour. Jae, as his teacher explained, was very shy around other students, so none of his classmates knew that side of him. He was too nervous to talk to anyone, and others hadn't made any attempts to befriend him.

That's why they were so hopeful when their new neighbours moved in.

The young couple introduced themselves as the Kangs. Jae peeked at them from the top of the staircase as his parents chatted with them at the front door. He spotted a toddler in the woman's arms, twisting her hair in his tiny fingers. His name was Jisung, Jae would later learn.

"We've only got one son, but he's the same age as Younghyun. Jae, come meet the new neighbours!" his father called. This led to Jae awkwardly making his way down the stairs and to his father's side.

Now that he was standing in front of them, Jae could finally get a good look at the family moving in next door. Though, to be fair, he only had eyes for the eldest son.

Kang Younghyun, who looked so cool in his Spider-Man sweater and shoes with laces.

Jae still wore velcro!

"Hi, I'm Younghyun! What's your name?" the boy asked, startling Jae. He wasn't used to being approached by kids his age.

"Oh, I'm Jaehyung. But my- my family just calls me Jae." he silently reprimanded himself for stuttering.

Younghyun didn't seem to mind. He simply grinned, happy with their interaction.

"We moved here from Canada, so Younghyun doesn't know anyone. Neither do we, for that matter. But you're welcome to come over. We'd love for Younghyun to make friends here as well." said Ms Kang.

And that's how Jae and Younghyun's friendship began. They clicked instantly, sharing an interest in comic books and playing the guitar. It wasn't unusual to hear them switch languages mid-sentence, as they both spoke Korean and English. Upon learning that Jae spoke English, Younghyun, more used to being called by his English name, asked that Jae call him Brian. Although he planned on going by Younghyun once he started school in Korea, there was something about Jae calling him Brian that made him feel like they'd known each other forever.

Often, one boy would have dinner at the other's house, and sometimes even sleep over, since Jae had a double bed. It barely took them a month to declare that they would be best friends forever and ever.

Once the start of second grade rolled around, Jae was thrilled to finally have someone to partner up with during class activities, to eat lunch with, to talk to, things he never had before. Despite being new, Younghyun became very popular within their grade since he was charismatic and athletic. Everyone either wanted to be his friend or his girlfriend. And although he talked to nearly everyone, Jae was always his number one. They even used English as their "secret" language, their code names being YoungK and Chicken Little.

Thanks to Younghyun, Jae managed to introduce himself to a few more people. They became part of a core friend group along with Wonpil, Sungjin and Dowoon. If Jae's parents were overjoyed about how close he was with Younghyun, they were ecstatic that he had an actual friend group!

Of course, the five of them couldn't all be in the same class every year after that. It isn't until grade seven that the group is finally back together. Only seeing each other at recess just wasn't the same as having classes together as well.

It's after a day of teasing Dowoon about a girl in his class that Younghyun and Jae ended up talking about crushes in Younghyun's room.

"If I tell you a secret, do you promise not to tell anyone?" Younghyun asked Jae, and the latter had never seen his best friend this nervous before.

"Of course! Let's pinky promise."

As their fingers interlocked, Younghyun looked him in the eyes and said, "I have a crush on Jihyo."

Jae was supposed to feel excited, he knew there should be a rush of adrenaline that came with sharing secrets, and yet... He didn't feel any of that. Instead, there was a sort of pressure in his chest that hadn't been there earlier. Still, he forces himself to play the part of the scandalized best friend.

"Oh wow!" he gasped, and it seemed to be good enough. Younghyun excused himself to go pee, not wanting to "stain the lucky Batman underwear," as he so eloquently put it.

With nothing to occupy him, Jae's mind wandered as it often did.

_So Younghyun likes Jihyo. Huh. Why though? I mean, she's pretty and all, but she doesn't even know him like I do!_

Jae didn't have the time to sort out his feelings, because just like that, Younghyun was back.

He sat down facing Jae before smiling. "I told you who I like, now it's your turn. Which girl in our class do _you_ like?"

Something else Jae knew he should feel, but didn't. Attraction towards girls. He panicked, and without even thinking about it, blurted out...

"Jihyo!"

Jae realized his mistake when Younghyun frowned. "You're serious?"

He should've played it off as a joke. It would've been so easy. But this was the first time it had occurred Jae that he might not be into girls, and he was scared.

"Yeah." he said, maintaining eye contact.

They left it at that, Younghyun awkwardly mumbling something about having to go home.

Chicken Little. An ironic nickname, considering Jae is practically marinating in his own regret right now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was such a bad ending phrase oh my god. Anyways, you know something is fake when Younghyun willingly asks someone to call him Brian.
> 
> This is my first time posting on ao3, I’m a bit confused but I’ll figure it out!


	2. Chapter 2

The summer before eighth grade is like the calm before the storm. For a while, they both forget about Jihyo, and they're back in each other's orbits. Worlds rotating around each other like they always did.

It's during this summer that Jae learns what the word "gay" means. This entails the epiphany of his twelve-year lifetime.

Jae is gay, and he can't wait to tell everyone! He starts with his parents, running down the stairs and into the living room, where he proudly announces it.

"Eomma, appa, I'm gay!"

The smile on his face didn't match his parents' mixed reactions at all. They make eye contact, and his mother nods before turning to him.

"Jae, sweetie, that's great! But there's something you need to know."

He's confused. What was he missing? He'd finally figured out why he wasn't into girls like the rest of the boys in his grade, and he was excited!

"A lot of people think it's wrong for boys to like boys. And it's not - please never let them convince you that there's something wrong with you, because there isn't. But not everyone knows that, and they'll treat you differently because you're gay. Home is a safe place, and we're very proud of you for coming out. But at school, keep this a secret, okay? You never know how people might react. Even your friends."

_Even Brian?_

He doesn't get a chance to ask, because his father speaks up. "We've always been asking you if you had a girlfriend, and we're sorry for assuming. From now on, we should ask you about boys, huh?"

Jae blushes. "Mhm..."

"Is there anyone you're interested in?"

A repetitive beeping intervened before he could answer.

"The food!" his father exclaimed, and both of Jae's parents rushed to the kitchen, all thoughts of Jae's potential crush forgotten.

At least, for them.

If not a girl, who _did_ Jae like? The thought kept him up that night. He'd definitely caught himself staring at basketball ace Jackson more than once. Or daydreaming about that time his hand brushed against Yugyeom's in art class. However, he realized, he wouldn't date either of them. Although they were attractive, he had no desire to spend the rest of his life with them.

And seemingly out of nowhere, it dawns on him.

He would spend the rest of his life with Younghyun.

There was no denying Younghyun's beauty. Jae loved his blinding smile, his adorable dimple, his flawless body. But much as he loved looking at Younghyun, that wasn't why Jae enjoyed spending time with him. Younghyun was an endless source of entertainment, charismatic and wild. Younghyun was thoughtful person, always choosing the selfless act, even if it inconvenienced him. But he wasn't afraid to stand up for himself if someone tried to take advantage of his kindness, and Jae admired that. Younghyun was home, comforting and safe.

Younghyun is Jae's world, and Jae wants to be his.

Like all good things, summer comes to an end as well. Now, it was their last year at this school, and they wanted to make it count.

At least, that's what Younghyun had told Jae. So why was he asking Jihyo to be his partner for their geography project? Jae ends up with Dowoon, who's equally confused.

It's not hard to see why, though. Younghyun liked Jihyo, obviously he'd try to spend more time with her. But Jae thought he'd at least pick him next time. He didn't.

Then, Younghyun started hanging out with Jihyo and her friends at lunch. "I'll be right back," he'd tell Jae. Over time, "I'll be right back," turned to "I'll be back when Jihyo finishes eating," then "I'll be back in time for recess," until finally he stopped talking to Jae altogether during the school day.

He could've brought it up when they hung out after school. But Jae was worried that if he asked, Younghyun would confirm his fears. That he thought Jae was annoying, that he finally understood why no one talked to Jae unless he was around too. Instead, Jae took advantage of the time he still had with Younghyun, because he didn't know what he would do if suddenly he didn't have Younghyun in his life anymore.

So when the teacher announced that the class would be writing poetry and presenting it to their peers, he made it clear in his work how he felt about Younghyun. Jae poured his tiny eighth-grader heart into that poem. He made sure not to add pronouns though, so his class could assume it was about a girl while Jae read it with a boy in mind.

The teacher used a randomized to pick the order of the presentations, and Younghyun ended up going first. In hindsight, Jae should've known Younghyun would write about Jihyo. He even winked at her when he finished reading it. The sight made Jae sick.

Eventually, it was his turn. Despite knowing Younghyun didn't reciprocate his feelings, Jae still read his own poem with the same emotion as when he wrote it. The teacher congratulated him once he finished, praising him on his 'emotional depth.'

At some point, Jihyo's name came up. Her poem was as sweet as her, and she had a smile on her face throughout the whole thing. Jae couldn't have predicted it would be his downfall until she read the last lines, in which she addresses him by name.

Her friends gasp, and she turns to Jae.

"Will you be my boyfriend?"

Only one thing can make Jae pretend to be straight, and that's the fear of being outed as gay. It's in a moment of pure panic that he says yes.

While Jihyo hugs him tightly, he makes eye contact with Younghyun, and he shivers despite the warmth of Jihyo's arms. The conflict that followed was inevitable.

"You stole her from me!"

"I'm not the one who ditched every day at lunch and recess. If anything, she stole you from me!" Jae tries to defend himself, but Younghyun is still shaking with rage.

"You're lying! Your poem was about her too!"

Younghyun couldn't have been more wrong. But with everyone watching them fight, Jae couldn't tell him that. He opens his mouth to respond when Younghyun shouts again.

"I hate you!"

_No crying. Not when the entire class is watching._

Jae, as it turns out, says all the wrong things whenever sexuality is involved.

"Fine! I hate you too!"

His voice crack could pass as puberty.

Jae had never cried himself to sleep before, but there's a first time for everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This definitely leads to Jae having an emo phase. I'm the author, it's canon if I say so.


	3. Chapter 3

Jae can't keep the fight a secret from his parents for very long, not when he went from hanging out with him daily to never mentioning his name. He breaks down as he recounts what happened. Not only is he upset that he lost his best friend, but he feels guilty. He shouldn't have pretended to like Jihyo. He wished he hadn't.

Jae's parents and Younghyun's still hang out, as they remained good friends, but the Kangs no longer bring Younghyun and Jisung with them when they visit the Parks. Jae assumes Younghyun told them everything from his point of view.

Jae and Younghyun end up going to the same high school. At first, it doesn't seem so bad; they might not even have classes together. Jae's wishful thinking is proven to be just that when he takes a look at the board at the front of the class.

On the screen is displayed an arranged seating plan. Jae scans it for his name, then makes his way to the corresponding spot. Jae does a double take when he sees the person sitting in the seat next to his. He looks back at the board again, hoping he'd made a mistake, but instead sees Younghyun's name next to his.

He awkwardly continues plops down on the chair, doing his best not to make eye contact. It's hard to do when Younghyun is unashamedly staring at him.

"Welcome, class 9A. I'm Ms Kwon, your home room teacher this year. You'll have Korean and social studies in this classroom, so the assigned seating will be the same for both courses."

Both Jae and Younghyun turn to each other at the same time, expressions identical. Two years ago, this would've been ideal for them. Today, less than. Unfortunately for them, the teacher planned ice-breakers for the first day.

"What's your favourite colour?" Younghyun grumbles, reading off the paper given to him. "This is stupid. I already know the answers to everything on the first page."

He flips the page and begrudgingly reads the first question. "What was the best day of your life?"

Jae thinks about it for a second before coming up with an answer. "The day I went to a water park for the first time. I'm pretty I went on every single ride. But I was too light for the Aqualoops, so-"

"You got stuck in the loop part." Younghyun finishes.

Jae swings his feet awkwardly. "Yeah..." Of course Younghyun remembers. After all, he's the one who convinced Jae to go on that ride in the first place.

They don't get to move on to the next question, because then the bell rings and they're on their way to their next class.

As it turns out, Jae can't escape Younghyun. He's even taking music, the class Jae is most excited about. Their first class is mostly theory work, since not every student plays an instrument. The teacher ends by announcing that he's putting together a school band, and that anyone interested should stay after class for details. Jae and Younghyun do.

Upon learning that they both play guitar, their teacher shakes his head. "Sorry boys, I've got a few older students who play the guitar as well, so there's just one spot left for the guitarist position. One of you could be a bassist, though."

"Rock paper scissors?" Jae suggests.

"Sure. Best two out of three?"

Jae agrees, and they move onto the first round. Jae throws rock, whereas Younghyun decided on scissors. Next, he goes for paper, beating Younghyun's rock, and the game is over.

Jae expects Younghyun to be angry, but the boy just nods. "When's practice?" he asks their teacher.

"Tuesdays and Thursdays after school," he answers, "starting in two weeks. I'll remind you."

So now Jae not only sits beside Younghyun in two classes, but has band practice with him twice a week. _Good luck getting rid of your crush now_ , he thinks to himself.

Jae assumes he'll be sitting alone at lunch, like he did before Younghyun came into his life, but he's proven wrong when Jihyo calls his name.

"Jae, come here! I want you to meet my friends."

That's how he ends up in the cafeteria, at the end of a table with nine girls, instead of alone under the stairs.

"You already know Nayeon, Sana, Tzuyu and Dahyun." Jihyo then turns to four other girls he hasn't seen before. "Jae, meet Chaeyoung, Jeongyeon, Momo and Mina."

He waves at them shyly, and they all wave back.

"This is my boyfriend. I've only got one class with him, English. I'm lucky though, because Jae was raised in America so he speaks it fluently!"

Jihyo's friends all turn to him, and he blushes. "Y-Yeah. If you're ever having trouble with your English homework, I'm happy to help."

The girl beside him (Chaeyoung, he remembers from Jihyo's introduction), smiles. "I think I'll take you up on that offer."

That's how Jae makes his first friend since Younghyun, and it feels nice to have someone again.

As much as Jae tries to forget about it, two weeks go by much too quickly and suddenly he's at band practice with Younghyun. Granted, he didn't have high expectations to begin with, but things started out even worse than he'd imagined.

Not even five minutes into practice, Jae is tripped by Younghyun, who appears to have been waiting by the door of the instrument storage room.

"What was that for?" he yells, standing back up.

"Oh, I thought you were-" Younghyun begins, eyes wide, but can't finish as Jae splashes the contents of his water bottle on his face.

Off to a great start.

By the next day, Jae has mostly forgotten about the incident.

"I'm really excited for the ninth grade dance," Chaeyoung says at lunch. "My sister told me about it, it's like a mini prom."

_Ninth grade dance?_ "What?"

Chaeyoung wrinkles her nose at him, and for a second Jae believes in the Easter Bunny. "At the end of the year, the school organizes a dance for the ninth graders. Some people just go with their friends, but it's mostly for couples. You should definitely bring Jihyo, she's looking forward to it."

It's official; Jae is the shittiest boyfriend in the world. He has to come clean, there's no way he's going to that dance with Jihyo. It wouldn't be fair to either of them. As much as he wants to avoid it, he knows that the sooner he breaks up with her, the more time she'll have to find someone else to go to the dance with. He's already put it off for a week; today is the day, he decides.

He doesn't see her until lunch, and he spends the entire time stressing. He really likes Jihyo, as well as her friend group. He'd grown close with Chaeyoung over the span of a week, and didn't want to lose her friendship. Still, it was necessary. He pulls Jihyo aside before she goes to the cafeteria.

"What is it?" she asks.

"I, um... God, I'm so sorry."

"Jae. What's going on?"

Jae wants to disappear. "I think we should break up. It's really not your fault, I'm sorry."

Jihyo frowns. "Can I ask why?"

The worst part is, she's not even angry. She seems genuinely curious. He'd lost Younghyun in his efforts to stay closeted, and now those efforts would all be wasted because he felt compelled to tell Jihyo the truth.

"Jihyo, I'm- I'm gay. I'm gay, and I like Younghyun, not you. Well- I do like you, just not that way, God, I'm sorry-"

He stops his rambling when Jihyo rushes forwards to hug him.

"Aren't you- Aren't you upset with me? Why are you doing this...?"

Jihyo pulls back to look him in the eyes. "I'm upset, yes, because I like you and you don't like me back. But I'm not upset _with_ you. Thank you for being honest with me. I know it must be scary, not knowing who will accept you for your sexuality and who won't. But I accept you, and I really hope you want to stay friends."

Jae sighs with relief. "Yeah, I do. Of course I do. Thank you..."

"Hey, if I'm not being delulu... You said you like Younghyun?"

"Yeah." Jae grimaces. "And now he hates me. So that sucks."

"To be honest, I don't think he actually hates you. He was upset that I liked you, right? That's jealousy, not hatred." Jihyo reasons.

"Maybe." Jae says. "He says he hates me but he doesn't act like it. When we talk, he's always mature. Sometimes it even feels like we're still friends."

"See? He doesn't hate you." Jihyo pulls him by the arm. "Come on, we still haven't eaten and I'm hungry. Don't worry about how the girls will react; apparently, Chae and Mina have been dating since fifth grade. They're all allies."

That day, surrounded by friends he loves and cares about, he tells himself he won't pine over Younghyun. Jae doubts he'll stop liking him any time soon, but if Younghyun really doesn't hate him, he'd better make it clear before Jae _does_ move on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly never payed attention to Twice until Feel Special came out and now I'm this close to stanning. What can I say except women superior?


	4. Chapter 4

Jae's first summer without Younghyun feels... wrong. There are no other words that could describe it more accurately. Naively, he thought that maybe after his breakup with Jihyo, Younghyun might approach him again. But it seemed as though the damage had been done.

At least Jae wasn't completely alone anymore. His parents had finally let him have a phone partway through grade nine, so he kept in contact with the girls during the few months they spent at home. Jihyo had made a group chat on the last day of school. This entailed tons of spamming, memes, and group video calls. In one particular call, with Jae, Chaeyoung, Momo and Jeongyeon, the three girls attempted to teach Jae a few popular dance moves. That was a mess.

"You're off-beat! I thought you played guitar, chicken headass." Chaeyoung comments playfully. This would later become the group chat's favourite nickname for him.

"Yeah, well... That's different." Jae huffs, unable to come up with a good comeback.

Giving up, he sits down and spins in his chair. He sees movement in the corner of his eye, and realizes his curtains were open, as well as his neighbour's. There's a sinking feeling in his chest when he makes eye contact with Younghyun.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck.." he chants, rushing to close his curtains.

"What's wrong?" comes Jeongyeon's voice from his phone.

"My curtains were open. My neighbour saw me dancing." He tells his friends, overwhelmed with embarrassment. "Our windows are right across from each other."

There's a shared moment of silent cringing. Of the people in the video call, only Chaeyoung knows who his neighbour is.

"Oof." says Momo, torn between laughing and feeling badly for Jae.

Jae sighs. "Well, you're never seeing my face at school again."

They did, in fact, see his face at school again. Unfortunately, Jae's parents didn't feel the same way about online classes as he did. But he couldn't complain about seeing his friends again. He'd missed sitting with all nine of them in the cafeteria, as they did now.

"Sana, what are you watching?" Dahyun asks the girl beside her, who's not-so-subtly grinning at her phone.

"Oh, um..." she starts, unable to stop smiling. "There's this guy I met through anime Twitter, we've been talking all summer. He just asked me to be his girlfriend."

Everyone at the table cheers at her revelation. "I'm so happy for you!" shouts Nayeon from the other end of the table.

Tzuyu, unlike everyone else, looks slightly nervous. "Not to be that person, but how do you know he's actually who he says he is?"

Sana frowns. "True. I'll ask him for his Snapchat, then we can send pictures or video call."

While they wait for the boy to text back, Sana is bombarded with questions.

"What's his name?" "Hyunie, isn't that such a cute name?"

"How old is he?" "15, according to his profile and carrd."

"Where's he from?" "He told me he moved to Korea a few years ago."

"Wow, he could be in our grade and in our school." Mina jokes.

"Oh!" Sana gasps. "He just sent me his username! I'll send him a snap right now."

Jae, who's sitting to her left, can see her screen as she selects a filter and snaps a photo. She gets a response almost immediately.

_What. The fuckity fuck. This can't be real._

There's no mistaking the boy on her screen. "That's Younghyun." Jae says out loud.

Luckily Jihyo and Chaeyoung are the only ones who know about his relationship with Younghyun, so it isn't awkward when someone suggests that Sana invite him to sit with them.

"I can't believe it was actually someone in our grade at this school." says Mina in disbelief. "I guess I'm a psychic, someone pass me a crystal ball."

Within a few minutes, Younghyun is strolling over to their table. Jae gets up. "You can sit next to her." he offers, trying not to make eye contact. He thinks he might cry if he does.

"Yeah, um." Younghyun clears his throat. "Thanks."

Unfortunately for Jae, Younghyun ends up sitting with them twice a week. It hurts to see Younghyun getting along so well with Jae's closest friends. Each time he sits with them is a painful reminder of the way Younghyun used to act around _him_. The boys try their best not to interact, but it's hard when the girls figure out that they're both in band.

"You know, Jae was talking about that upcoming project that you guys have to do in pairs. I know Jae doesn't have a partner yet. You guys should be together!" suggests Jeongyeon.

"Younghyun doesn't have anyone either." Sana adds.

Jae and Younghyun share a knowing look. Neither wanted to explain themselves if they said no.

"That's a great idea!" Jae says, sounding unconvincing even to his own ears, but luckily Younghyun backs him up.

"Yeah!" he agrees. "We could do a guitar duet or something."

That seals their fate.

It's been two years since Jae has been in Younghyun's room, but it's obvious to him that it hasn't changed much, apart from the Spider-Man posters being swapped for Metallica ones.

"Your WiFi is still shit." Jae remarks.

Younghyun isn't feeling as nostalgic as Jae. "You don't need WiFi to compose an interlude, genius."

"Fine." he snaps, pocketing his phone. "What did you have in mind?"

"I was thinking of making something in E flat minor, I know those chords pretty well." Younghyun suggests. "I got a looper pedal for my birthday, maybe I could improvise something and record it? Then that could be our starting point."

Jae was reminded the days he'd hang out in Younghyun's room, sometimes only speaking a few words in the span of an hour. Jae was content to listen to Younghyun play whatever came to mind, making it up as he goes. He'd always admired his neighbour's musical sixth sense. Even two years later, Jae was just as mesmerized with Younghyun's spontaneous creations.

It was crescendo, starting off soft and sad. The piece became louder as it went on. Younghyun ended with a broken seventh chord, drastically less intense than it had been a few measures ago.

"That was really good." Jae admitted. "If it had lyrics, they would've been hella depressing though."

Younghyun gave a small smile, a huge win for Jae. "Shut up. You probably never grew out of your emo middle school phase. Sana says you still listen to My Chemical Romance."

"Yeah, what about it? I don't know what you were expecting, I'd be a loner if the girls hadn't made an effort to include me." Jae says defensively.

Any traces of Younghyun's smile are long gone. "Maybe if you actually talked to people..."

"Not everyone can be a social butterfly, _Hyunie_. It's not my fault my only friend ditched me cause his crush didn't like him back." Jae retorts, more hurt than angry.

"It's not like you ever tried to talk to me again. Get out of my house, we'll keep working on this some other day."

"Why would you be mad that I don't talk to you?" Jae asks as he grabs his guitar and exits Younghyun's room. "You made it pretty fucking clear that I shouldn't."

"Just go, please." is the only response he gets. Despite the lack of hostility, he does as Younghyun says.

_It's not like you ever tried to talk to me again._ That line would bother Jae for a while. Was Younghyun implying that he missed being friends as well?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why do I always crave breakfast foods between 1 and 4 in the morning? Does that happen to anyone else? Anyways, I wrote this chapter with raisin bread in mind, even though I fucking hate raisins. Also, did anyone notice that I confirmed emo Jae being canon like I mentioned in my note for chapter 2?


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Made a few changes to the dialogue in this chapter, the plot remained the same.
> 
> TW // allergic reaction, homophobic language

At this point, Jae was convinced the universe had it out for him. Of course Younghyun had to be in his homeroom class. Jae's life wouldn't be dramatic enough if he wasn't. On the bright side, their teacher had organized a potluck, meaning Jae would taste Ms Kang's famous pudding chômeur for the first time in years.

Jae makes sure to grab a piece before stuffing his mouth with other dishes, because priorities. In hindsight, it was a smart decision, because he can't finish what was on his plate. As he stands up to throw out his garbage, he notices rashes on his hands, and starts to worry.

_There couldn't have been any peanuts. Mr Choi made a list of allergies we should be aware of._

The growing tightness in his throat contradicts everything he says to reassure himself. Within seconds, he's having trouble breathing.

He runs to his locker, albeit with difficulty, searching desperately for his Epi-pen. To his dismay, he can't find it.

"Mr Choi," he wheezes, "I think I'm having an allergic reaction."

Younghyun flinches visibly.

"And I can't find my Epi-pen."

At these words, Younghyun practically jumps off his chair and sprints into the hallway. Mr Choi is already on the phone with the office, asking for the epinephrine injector kept there.

"Jae," he says, "Someone is on their way, but it will take a few minutes. The office is on the other side of the building. I'm calling 911 right now."

It's then that Younghyun bursts in, Epi-pen in hand. He gives it to Jae.

"What..?"

"I still have it in my bag from grade 8. Hurry up, use it!"

Jae does as he says, stabbing his thigh with the it. Any events from then to the moment he wakes up in the hospital are a blur.

When Jae shows up at school the next day, his friends swarm him, relieved.

"We heard what happened."

"You didn't text us, we were really worried!"

Jae apologizes, promising them that he's okay now.

"There's a rumour going around that Younghyun saved you."

Jae smiles. "Yeah, I guess he did."

"People are also saying he cried."

Jae turns to look at Nayeon, eyes wide. "Really?"

"It's true," Tzuyu speaks up, "I saw him. It wasn't just a few tears either. He was full-on sobbing, his whole body was shaking and everything."

_Huh._

"Thanks for letting me know..." he mumbles, losing himself in his thoughts. Younghyun cried over him. They'd gone full circle.

When he sees Younghyun at lunch, Jae makes sure to pull him aside.

"Thank you for yesterday. You saved my life."

Younghyun looks down awkwardly. "Oh. Um. Yeah. I'm... I'm glad you're okay."

Maybe this could be the start of their reconciliation.

At least, that's what Jae thought. Apparently this hadn't occurred to Younghyun, who was making an effort to annoy the living fuck out of him. Whether Younghyun was stealing Jae's eraser in class or playing his music so obnoxiously loud that Jae could hear it from his own room, he would only stop once he got a reaction from Jae.

At lunch, Jae brings this up to Jihyo. Luckily for him, Younghyun isn't at their table today, so he doesn't have to worry about being overheard.

"Sounds like he just wants your attention."

Jae can feel the blood rushing into his cheeks. "That can't be it."

"Don't be so sure. He broke up with Sana today."

"Huh?"

Jihyo sighs. "And it was over text. Kind of a dick move. Didn't you see the screenshot Sana sent to the group chat?"

These past few weeks, Jae has been ready to go off on Younghyun at a moment's notice. Breaking up with Sana _over fucking text_ was where Jae's patience ran out. He makes his way across the cafeteria, spotting Younghyun hanging out with their old friends from elementary school.

"Younghyun, you're an asshole."

The boy in question looks up at him, startled. "What?"

Jae continues. "You broke up with Sana over text. I remember your dad telling you not to do that, I remember you promising him it would never happen. Sana didn't deserve that. You better fucking apologize, but don't bother if you don't mean it."

He doesn't give Younghyun a chance to respond before storming back to his own table.

This was definitely not the start of their reconciliation.

Eventually, Sana forgives Younghyun, prompting Jae to drop the aggressive act. Even when he's angry with Younghyun, he still misses him, still imagines a time when they'll look back on these years and laugh at how stubborn they were. Jae doesn't understand how such opposite feelings can coexist. But they do, each torturing him in their own way.

Today, for example, Jae can complain about Younghyun's rhythmical tapping of his fingers on the desk and admire his musical inclination in the same thought. It's annoying, but it's more interesting than the documentary their history teacher is making them sit through. But it's the last day of school, and this is the last boring history class he'll have to attend for a while.

"Homosexuality was a punishable offence for men in the military." says the narrator. "If outed, gay men could face death."

Well that caught his attention.

"Had it coming." someone mutters.

"Fuck you." Jae says under his breath without thinking. Normally, it would go unheard, but the class was silent after the homophobic comment. Everyone turns to Jae.

"Is there something you wanna say, cock sucker?"

More than a few people giggle. 

"I just don't think there's anything wrong with being gay." Jae says, a hard edge to his words.

The boy laughs. "Seriously? You're gay?"

Over the years, Jae had lost his best friend and broken a girl's heart by denying his sexuality. His fear had cost him too much, he decides.

"Yeah. I'm gay. Homosexual. And there's nothing you can do about it."

His classmates whisper amongst each other, and he hears enough to know that this won't end well for him.

"That's wrong, though..."

"He's disgusting."

"My mom said it's contagious!"

"What the fuck?“ Younghyun yells, startling a few people. “It doesn't affect you if two guys have a romantic relationship. Keep your close-minded views to yourselves."

He nervously glances at Jae for a second before looking away.

Jae continues to stare at him in shock. Younghyun stood up for him. Younghyun wasn't homophobic. Rather than fear, Jae is filled with regret. He should've been honest about his feelings all those years ago. Rejection would've been a better alternative to this. _We've been here before_ , Jae thinks to himself as he wonders yet again if maybe Younghyun still wants to be friends again. Or more than that. But that's just wishful thinking.

Back when they used to go to a nearby park together, Jae and Younghyun had always loved the seesaw. That same ride could describe their current relationship. Back and forth between acting like old friends and bitter rivals. 

What goes up must come down. For every step they make towards reconciliation, it seemed like they took two steps backwards.

"You keep playing the wrong chord! Damn it Jae, get it together!"

"Maybe if you just let me relax for two seconds, I'd be playing better!"

"Suit yourself. But if you mess up when we're presenting in front of the entire grade, it won't just be me giving you shit for it."

"Stop saying that, I'll have it fixed by tomorrow."

"As long as I don't have to hear you practicing your shitty guitar all night, I'm happy."

"You're still mad about that? Of course you are. I bet you still cry yourself to sleep thinking about Jihyo. The world doesn't fucking revolve around you, Younghyun, get used to it. I'm not staying here to argue with you. Don't complain when you hear me practicing tonight, because I'll be doing you a favour by fixing my part."

Storming away from Younghyun is becoming a habit for Jae.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried to write Jae's anaphylactic reaction as realistically as possible considering I've never experienced one myself. The scene was based entirely on my brother's allergic reactions to peanuts/peanut oil/peanut butter (touched and ingested), sorry if I forgot or misinterpreted any key parts. Please let me know if I did, and I'll correct it.
> 
> For those of you who don’t know what [pudding chômeur](https://res.cloudinary.com/hksqkdlah/image/upload/v1574113101/SFS_Pouding-Chomeur-RESHOOT-125_1_lsifei.jpg) is, it’s a really good Canadian maple dessert! Kinda like a cake but the bottom is a bit liquid-y.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW // blood, hospitals, homophobia

This summer, the girls all got jobs at the same overnight camp owned by Jeongyeon's aunt, leaving Jae with no one to hang out with. It's out of boredom, not hunger, that he heads to a local convenience store to buy ramen. On his way home, he goes around to the back of the store, heading to the bike trail he followed to get here.

"Guys, look." echoes a mocking voice, and Jae freezes. Four of his classmates are there, including the homophobic one from his history class. Jae tries to run, but they corner him.

"Nothing I can do about it, huh?" one asks, pulling something out of his pocket.

_Is that..?_

When the object glints in the sunlight, it's unmistakeable.

_A knife._

Jae slumps awkwardly against the wall of the convenience store, wincing in pain. He unlocks his phone intending to call someone. But with his parents out of town with the Kangs, and the girls working at that overnight camp, Jae soon realizes he's out of options.

_There has to be someone._ He scrolls through his contacts, desperate for help. That's when he comes across "Kang home phone."

It's not his ideal solution, but at least it's available. Jae thanks his lucky stars that the Kangs even own a home phone in 2020 before pressing the call button. He prays that Jisung is the one to answer.

Someone picks up, and there's a voice on the other end. "Hello?"

_Fuck._

"It's Jae, I'm sorry for bothering you, but I have no other options. I need a ride home, please."

Younghyun scoffs. "So your drunk ass can vomit all over my mom's truck? Yeah, no thanks. Take the bus or something."

"I'm-" He coughs, horrified when he tastes blood. "I'm not drunk, and I don't have money on me. I'll mow your family's lawn for an entire month, please, just come pick me up."

All that earns him is an exasperated sigh.

"I promise I'll never bother you again after this. But right now, I'm desperate and I need you, Brian."

If he'd chosen to FaceTime rather than call, he would've seen Younghyun's surprise at the name.

"Where are you?"

Jae is overcome with relief. "Behind the convenience store near our old elementary school. Thank you, I swear I'll never ask anything of you again."

"Wh-Whatever. See you in twenty." And just like that, the call is ended.

The next twenty minutes prove to be a real challenge for Jae's patience, but at least someone's coming, that's what he tells himself.

He gets jumpy every time he spots a pair of headlights, wondering each time if it could be Younghyun. Eventually, it is. He recognizes the sound of the old truck's engine before he even sees the lights. Then comes the slam of the door, and Younghyun's footsteps. And finally, his gasp when he sees the state Jae is in.

"Dude, what the fuck happened to you? Is that a _knife_?"

One "Just get me in the fucking car" later, Jae is in Younghyun's passenger seat. Younghyun makes it clear that he's taking Jae to the hospital, not home. Although Jae doesn't want to inconvenience Younghyun more than he already has, he's not about to risk his own life. "Thank you." he mumbles.

An entire song plays on the radio before either of them speaks. "Don't worry about mowing the lawn."

This one, Jae didn't see coming. Younghyun hates him. Why would he be willing to let him off the hook so easily? He asks as much.

"I really thought you were drunk, man. But seeing why you actually needed a ride? I would be taking advantage of you if I made you work in return for this." Younghyun admits.

_"Back to calling me man?"_ Jae nearly spits out, but decides against it. Now is the last time he wants to be hostile towards Younghyun.

"That's... that's really nice of you. Thank you. If you still wanna know what happened, I can tell you." is what he settles on.

Younghyun didn't expect Jae to tell him, not after his initial reaction. But he was still curious. "Yeah. Again though... Don't feel like you owe me anything. You shouldn't be open about stuff you're not comfortable with sharing."

Jae missed this, missed Younghyun's gentle side, and it hurts that he doesn't see it more often. Still, he smiles. It's a welcome change in behaviour. "Nah, it's all good. I said I'd tell you anyways." he says before explaining the events leading up to his current situation.

"So yeah. Shouldn't have came out, I guess." he ends his story with a small smile.

Younghyun's expression didn't match his. "That's so fucked. You didn't deserve any of that."

And Younghyun wishes he'd been there for Jae, but how would Jae know?

"Yeah, well, what can you do, I guess. At least you're not homophobic too, that would be shitty luck." 

Younghyun shakes his head. "No, of course not. I'm actually bise-" He's cut short by coughing on Jae's part. When Jae pulls his arm back, he tries to hide the blood, but Younghyun sees it.

"Shit. If you're coughing up blood, that means it's in your lungs!" Younghyun says frantically, suddenly driving much faster.

It's weird, being within two meters of Younghyun by choice. The last time they'd spoken without wishing death upon each other was in grade eight. Now, they were both graduating at the end of the year. Maybe if he'd clarified all those years ago that his poem was actually about Younghyun. But that wouldn't have done him much good either. For all he knew, Younghyun was straight. He'd liked Jihyo, not Jae.

If he'd liked Jae, he wouldn't have left him behind.

_He doesn't owe me friendship._ Jae reasons with himself. _It's not his fault I miss being friends and he doesn't._

He takes a look at Younghyun and remembers all the times they'd talk late into the night about how cool it would be when they finally got their driver's licenses. They'd spent so much time planning their futures together, only for none of it to happen. Enough is enough, Jae decides. He's not going to spend what could be his year with Younghyun dancing around his feelings.

"Brian."

Younghyun spares an "uh-huh," keeping his eyes on the road.

"I'm fucking tired of this."

He sees Younghyun's expression change. "What do you mean?"

Just as he's about to elaborate, he starts to feel dizzy, dark spots hindering his vision.

"Jae? What does that mean?" 

Jae manages a weak, "Think... I'm gonna pass out."

"Fuck! Stay with me, we're almost there!" Younghyun shouts, and Jae wishes his vision were clearer so he could tell if those were actually tears running down Younghyun's face.

When Jae comes back to consciousness, he's sitting in a hospital bed. He looks down and sees bandages where the knife once was. A gasp alerts him of Younghyun's presence, the teen sitting in a chair in the corner of the room.

"Brian? What happened?"

Younghyun explains. "You were already out, but the doctors gave you anaesthetics and performed surgery. The knife pierced a lung. You'll be fine, but it could take a while before you're fully healed. Your parents are on their way. They might be a few hours though." Jae nods.

"While you're still here, I might as well tell you what I was trying to say before I passed out." Jae remarks, as if he was actually going to let Younghyun leave without hearing him out.

"Please do." Younghyun says.

Jae takes a deep breath. "When I said I was tired of this, I meant what's going on with us. We're usually getting into pointless arguments. provoking each other for no reason. But sometimes, you talk to me like- like we're still friends. Make up your fucking mind Brian, do you hate me or not?" He sighs. "What I'm trying to say is, not a day goes by that I don't miss being your best friend. I never stopped caring about you. But we're graduating in a year, and I figured I'd shoot my shot. I'm not ready to leave you behind without telling you how I feel about you. Brian, I'm in love with you. I probably have been since grade eight. Do whatever you want with that information, I guess."

By "do whatever you want", bursting into tears wasn't exactly what Jae had in mind, but that worked too.

"Fuck, Jae, I, I didn't- Jae, you..." Younghyun says between sobs. He pulls himself together before trying to form a coherent sentence. "I had no idea you felt that way."

"So I wasn't being obvious. Take that, Jihyo." Jae says humourlessly.

"Jae, seriously. I had no idea, but I wish I did."

Jae stares at him, eyes filling with tears. "Don't fuck with me. Please. If you're gonna say shit like that, you better mean it."

"I do!" Younghyun exclaims, getting up from the chair to stand beside Jae's bed. "I do, I swear I mean it. For the first few months or so, I actually thought I hated you. I convinced myself that I just missed how convenient our friendship was, not you. But I was so fucking wrong. And I realized that when you said the day at the water park was the best day of your life. It was mine too, Jae."

Jae's lip trembles, and he knows it won't be long until his tears spill over.

"That day, after school, I wrote you an apology letter. Said that ending our friendship was a mistake and that I missed you. I apologized for the way I treated you and I asked you if you'd give me a second chance. And it would've been okay if you didn't want to. But the next day, you threw your water at my face. I spent the next few years being angry with you. But then, you had that allergic reaction in grade eleven, and I thought I was gonna lose you. That's when I knew just how whipped I still was for you."

Younghyun takes Jae's hand in his, squeezing it. "You asked me to make up my mind. I did that a while ago - I'm so in love with you, Jae."

"Oh..." And just like that, the dam breaks. "I never saw your letter. I'm so sorry." he says between sobs.

Younghyun wipes his tears. "Hey, hey, hey, don't cry over this! It's not your fault. Everything is okay now."

Younghyun keeps his hand around Jae's as the boy lets it all out. The air is knocked out of his lungs when Jae looks up at him, eyes still wet but no longer crying.

"Look, um... As you probably noticed, I didn't date anyone except Jihyo, and that was back in grade nine, so I don't have as much experience as you do. But I really want to try."

"Are you asking me to be your boyfriend?" Younghyun asks with a smile.

Jae blushes and nods.

"My answer to that question will always be yes." says Younghyun, inching his face closer to Jae's. "Would it be okay if I kissed you?"

"More than okay." Jae breathes, and that's all Younghyun needs to hear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was my favourite chapter to write, I love angst scenes. I'm really sorry if it felt rushed near the end though, or if the confessions were a little long and confusing.


	7. Bonus (Epilogue)

"Jae, you absolute fucking dickhead!"

"Go fuck yourself Brian, why won't you just die already?"

"Full diamond armour, bitch!"

"Oh yeah? We'll see how well your FuLl DiAmOnD aRmOuR does against my power five plus fire aspect bow."

"I'm getting tenth grade enemies vibes." comments Jihyo, her voice clear in both of their headsets.

"Shut up Jihyo." Younghyun says, embarrassed.

Jae nods, even though she can't see him. "Shouldn't you be pegging Daniel right now?"

Jihyo snorts. "You're just mad I ended up with the hotter Kang."

"As if- WHICH ONE OF YOU HAS A MILLION FUCKING WOLVES? YOU GUYS DOUBLE-TEAMED ME, THIS ISN'T FAIR!" Younghyun rages as the option to respawn appears on his screen.

"I do your laundry, this is my reward." Jae says sweetly.

Younghyun concedes. "Can't argue with that."

"Honestly, I'm surprised you guys managed to live together for this long without killing each other." Jihyo comments.

"It wouldn't be a very healthy relationship if we did that, now would it? I'd prefer it if Younghyun were alive at our wedding."

Younghyun chokes. "W-Wedding?"

"Anyways I have to go." With that Jihyo disconnects, not wanting to intrude on whatever conversation will take place after that.

Jae clears his throat. "Living room?"

"Jae." Younghyun speaks first. "That wasn't some meaningless joke, was it?"

The latter shakes his head. "No. Sorry if that made you feel pressured, or like we were moving too fast-"

"It didn't. I know we've only been together for two years but we've known each other almost our whole lives. I just- I think about marriage all the time, but I never knew how to bring it up, or if you even felt the same way. Now I know you want this too. Jae, you have no idea how happy that makes me." Younghyun admits, pulling Jae into a tight hug.

"You know," Jae starts, "as kids, we spent so much time planning our futures together. I don't think we ever thought of this one, though."

"We did! That time my mom gave us ring pops, we pretended they were engagement rings. Remember?"

Jae gasps. "Yeah, I think I do! We said we'd start a band with Sungjin, Wonpil and Dowoon, then move to Canada and get married after we disbanded."

"We might still have time to make the band thing happen. What were we on when we came up with that?" Younghyun snickers.

"Hope," Jae says dramatically, which gets him pushed onto the couch by Younghyun.

"Seriously though." Jae looks him in the eyes. "I've known since grade eight that I want to spent the rest of my life with you, Bri."

"I'm sorry it took me so long to realize. But there's nothing stopping you anymore. From now on, I'm all yours."

**Author's Note:**

> That took me way too long to write, but here it is. My first work on ao3! I'm sorry for the inconsistent verb tenses throughout the fic and my shitty writing style, but at least the plot was somewhat decent (?) In my opinion, it's hard to write a bad enemies to lovers fic, but if anyone can do it... Anyways, let me know what you thought in the comments! Don't bother leaving constructive criticism, I write for fun and I'm not looking to improve. If you don't feel like commenting (understandable), just leave a kudos so I know my content is appreciated~


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